Wow! You amaze me...Do you not agree that there are behaviors that need to be adressed and confronted in the black community--particulary where black men are concerned? It's amazing to me how you can rationalize every shortcoming by saying it's the white man who has perpetuated or created it. The fact that white men are behind the porn industry does not negate the fact that black men exploit black women which is overall far more detrimental to our community. The depiction and reference of black women as "bitches and hos" is extremely damaging to the psyche of not only black women but also black men. If you don't respect the women within your culture how can you respect yourself or expect anyone else to? If that is the prevailing image, what does that say about our values as a people? That image is promoted all over the world. All of the empirical evidence shows that this is clearly damaging to our community. The plain fact is that we are not on the same playing field as White America, so pathologies and dysfunction have a more debilitating effect on us. When you say other men abandon their children--it's no where near the extent that occurs in Black America. More than 70% of black children are raised without fathers. No other community has numbers even approaching that. It's reached epidemic proportions. Many Black fathers are not paying child support.This has long reaching effects on the future of Black America. If no other problem were eradicated in our community besides repairing the Black family structure--that alone would be huge. That alone would rectify so much in our crumbling communities. We cannot continue saying "White folks do it too" to justify pathologies in our community. We have to do better.
By the way, you're not fooling anybody by saying Black men don't overwhelming prefer lighter skinned black women.We've already established this and there are countless accounts and evidence to substantiate this. Besides the requisite music videos, there are films, books,songs, tv shows in addition to data and random polling of your average black man. On the other hand, black women are quite vocal of their appreciation of black men with many expressing a strong preference for darker skinned brothas. You can't convince me, yourself or anyone else otherwise. There is the occasional successful brotha that has a dark skinned sista on his arm but that clearly is the exception. While we're at it, you may as well fess up that there are countless black men with a strong preference for white, Asian, Hispanic women to the exclusion of black women. Or the brotha that will say "I don't see color, I'm colorblind, I date the rainbow...etc" (yet, it's anyone but a black women) This desire runs deep in black men. The classic book "Soul On Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver (a Black Panther no less) illustrated this. He was quite poetic in his lust for any woman that wasn't black and his disdain and contempt for black women. Many of his friends, colleagues, etc expressed the same views. There's a new book titled "Why Black Men Love White Women" (you can find it online) that breaks this down quite well. Once again, the flip side of this is that black women are NOW looking beyond black men generally not out of preference,or not seeing beauty in blackness (like black men do)---but out of necessity and realizing that hey, maybe we're entitled to being treated well and cherished like other women. If we're not getting from black men then we have a right to look elsewhere like everyone else. If black men displayed the loyalty we show them, black women would rarely even consider it. If black women didn't feel maligned and marginalized then they would rarely give it a second thought.
A little background on myself, I graduated from one of the finest universities in the country, was born and bred in NYC, have traveled all over the world, I've modeled since my pre-teen years and am a successful businesswoman. I've overwhelming dated and preferred black men throughout my life. However, men of other races have always pursued me and I've dated them on occasion. I've never been at a loss for a man and I'm currently in a stable, healthy relationship. During the course of my studies, travels and experiences I've witnessed the way men of all races treat women and have usually not been pleased with where black men generally rank on that scale. Don't get me wrong, being in NYC I move in circles of upwardly mobile black folks. I know some black couples that are doing well. But, it's not the majority. Black men tend to be extremely phobic about marriage especially to a black woman. More and more, upwardly mobile, progressive black men are not choosing a black woman as the woman they want on their arm. On the other hand, among my friends of other races it is far more commonplace to get married and settle down and the baby mama/baby daddy phenomenon is non-existent.
My point is, more and more black women feel like it's time we get the treatment we deserve, to think of our own preservation instead of sacrificing happiness and feeling beholden to our families, churches,community, etc while the honorable, respectful, black men is nowhere to be found.